Friday, October 16, 2015

Grieving....(Missing My Mom)

I lost my mother at the age of 16 and let me tell you, when she died a piece of me died along with her. She left behind 5 children (we're grown without own kids) the time I was just 16 and the youngest was 11 months old. My mother was 33 when she passed away, that's very young. 

At 16 you don't know a lot and to go through life trying to figure it all out can lead you down the wrong path. I couldn't function on anything, I didn't have a great support system, I felt like my life was just going to go down hill. Well as time went on things got a little better for me. I was able to block out the tragedy for a short period of time but other things took place. 

I decided that after I graduated high school I was going straight into the Army..well that didn't work out as planned. I became pregnant at 18 which I wasn't too happy about but my bovfriend at the time guaranteed that he'll be there. We moved in together and things were ok..we struggled from time to time but nothing easy, but we made it through. I had my son at 19 and my second child at 20, we got married when I turned 21. The army is no longer on my mind..I now have babies to take care of. While my friends were having the time of their lives, I'm home raising two children and married...this was not what I planned. I became pregnant with another child, so now by the age of 26 I have 3 children and our relationship became rocky. Years later we ended up divorcing, he still took care of the kids and made sure he spent itme with them. 

One day I just took a good look in the mirror and just fell apart, I needed my mom, I felt like if she was here my life would be different. It has been a struggle to live without her. My mom taught me so much about life and how to survive, but what she didn't teach me was how to live without her.

I just want a chance to hold her and talk to her one more time. 

Grieving someone you love dearly never may get better but it still burns!